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Polyamory Without Newage
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Polyamory Without Newage's LiveJournal:

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Monday, September 13th, 2010
3:25 pm
Polyday UK
For those in range of UK, the next UK Polyday will be in Bristol on 20th November.
See: http://imakeawesome.co.uk/polyday/
A one-day event held in Bristol for everyone who knows that happy and honest relationships don't have to be monogamous, Polyday combines a day of discussions and an evening of cabaret and socialising to give you a chance to meet like-minded people, to build our community and to celebrate its diversity.

It won't be belief free but also isn't a crossover event with "spirituality" or anything like that. Would be good to have more clear thinkers along to chat to.
Sunday, February 21st, 2010
11:58 pm
Monday, February 1st, 2010
10:56 am
Tuesday, December 8th, 2009
3:45 pm
Call To Non-Pagan Polyamorists For Research Study
I took part in an online survey of polyamorous people that is looking at their spirituality and spiritual views. When I saw "spirituality" in the title, I believed that there would be a bias under her research and I felt it was important to make sure that atheists and non-pagans got represented because I was pretty sure that the pagan community would be over-represented. It's very frustrating to me that pagans are so much a visual part of the poly community that non-pagans often avoid "poly communities" because they feel as though they'll have nothing in common other than the polyamory, and that the polyamory will look quite different, and sadly, that's often true, in my observation.

Please note, it is not my intent to dump on pagans here. I'm not saying that pagans intentionally push out people of alternate viewpoints, and, in fact, many of the pagans that I know personally are quite welcoming of people with different spiritual outlooks. It is my intent to point out a, perhaps, overly subtle discrimination or imbalance in the poly communities, which is that poly people who do not have strong spiritual viewpoints are under-represented and overshadowed, and that the statistical data on polyamory may be incorrect because of the lack of connection or outreach with non-spiritual poly people by the rest of the community and by researchers.

This study has covered almost exclusively pagan polyamorist because they're who are most visible and often participate in the community, and therefore things like studies & media events. Although pagans are still free to join in the study, I would like to encourage poly people of other spiritual or non-spiritual outlooks to chime in to get a better representation of the actual diversity among spiritual beliefs in the poly community. The first part is an online survey, and then, if you qualify (I forget what the qualifications are), you may be asked to do a phone interview, completely anonymously, for research purposes and not for any form of media or public presentation.

I just completed this phone interview, and, although this study has been going on for some time now, I was the first atheist the researcher had spoken to, and she had a host of misconceptions about what atheism is and isn't and how religious views do or don't affect one's relationship structures. She was very appreciative of the alternate viewpoint and the opportunity to have her biases made clear to her that were completely overlooked by both herself and her approval committee in her word choice and assumptions (for the record, I did not tell her she was biased, I answered her questions and she revealed to me that she had found a bias in her thesis wording through my answers and so thanked me). So I am hopeful that my contribution will prove to be very beneficial in present and future poly research and I urge others to contribute as well, since my views are not the same as, or necessarily representative of all atheists, but currently, I'm the only atheist voice in this particular research study.

Please also feel free to forward this request on, particularly to non-pagan polyamorists. I realize it may come across that I am trying to push aside pagans or pad the numbers in a non-pagan favor, so I want to be clear that I am not trying to do that. But I do feel as though the non-pagan polyamorists are much higher in number than the current research suggests, so I am particularly encouraging non-pagans to get out there and help make the statistics more accurate. It's not a matter of "let's outnumber the pagans!", it's a matter of better representation of other types of polyamorists. Pagan polyamorists are very well represented, but other groups are not, as evidenced by the fact that I am the only atheist the researcher has talked to, and I happen to know I'm not the only atheist polyamorist out there :-)

Wednesday, January 14th, 2009
1:07 pm

I finally got the Scarlet A shirts set up in the shop! It took forever! Well, the plain Scarlet A has been available over at the Stagehand Tees, but I just could not get quote from Stephen Roberts to be accepted.

So now, we have:

  (at Poly Tees)

(at Poly Tees)

(lets you add your own text on the back - at Stagehand Tees)

(just a simple Scarlet A - at Poly Tees)

Of course, I can also customize these shirt and put the designs on any other style of shirt, so if anyone wants anything a little different, just let me know!
Wednesday, January 7th, 2009
1:19 am
Polyamory and the different variants of love
'Love' encompasses a wide range of emotions. Any variant of love is characterized by a feeling of 'softness'. There are 2 component emotions, which can act either alone or in combination, to produce love. Those component emotions are oneness and humility.

In a love relationship, the emotion of oneness, if it is present in the relationship, causes the behaviors of telling eachother everything about oneself and one's recent events, always telling the truth, not keeping secrets, and doing everything together or otherwise always keeping in contact. The emotion of oneness can also be detected in the tone of voice when in the company of eachother.

In a love relationship, the emotion of humility, if it is present in the relationship, causes a gentle weakness in one's regard to eachother, and this is expressed both in one's demeanor toward eachother and in one's manner of affection. One behavior that humility is conducive to is bowing, though this of course is not a behavior that is associated with love relationships, though there is the antiquated behavior of bowing while kissing a woman on the back of the hand.

Exclusive monoamory is based upon egotistical dominant-territorialism, which is the opposite of humility. Therefore, people whose love is of the exclusive monoamorous sort can not incorporate humility into their love, but only oneness. It must be noted that one's egotism is only frustrated when one shares one's partner(s) with other people, not when oneself has multiple partners. Even among polyamorists, polygyny is somewhat more common than polyandry, because males are the more egotistical gender on the average.

Dominant egotism does not always express itself in a given particular way, such that there is some chance that a given egotistical person shares (or is willing to share) one's love partner(s) with others. For example, egotism, when combined with oneness, causes the behavior of libellously ascribing egotism to the logical behavior of acknowledging fundamental definitions and distinctions between different ways of living or beliefs. -That is an egotistical behavior that is sometimes displayed by polyamorists.

It is likely though that a given person that shares one's partner(s) lacks dominant egotism. That would allow such a person to use humility as a component of their love, or to use love that is purely humility-derived, such that it does not incorporate oneness at all.
Tuesday, October 21st, 2008
11:48 am
I'm In Another Article!
This time, on Tango, an online women's magazine.


It's a short article, but I think it's quite well done.  The author makes it clear from the beginning that she is not poly, but the tone of the article remains neutral-to-positive.  She didn't horribly misquote me (only the first quote she attributes to me isn't a direct quote - more of a paraphrase, but everything else is as close as I can remember) and she simply laid out our stories without negative judgement, which is exactly the kind of attitude she had while interviewing me.  She focused on the positive aspects of poly, namely compersion, which, frankly, I think doesn't get enough attention.  Everyone wants to know about jealousy and I think they ought to know that jealousy doesn't have to rule their lives.

As I told Anita, neutral-to-positive is, I think, the best kind of article for polyamory.  If the article is too encouraging, it could discourage non-poly people from reading it, encourage them to dismiss us entirely, as being too far away for them to empathize with, or even imply that we're trying to take over the world and we're out to get them (which, of course, only encourages their fear of us).  But a positive-neutral merely lets people know that we're out there and there's nothing wrong with us, nothing to be afraid of, just that we're here.  Non-poly people can go about their business after learning a little more about who we are, and poly-curious people can learn who we are and, possibly, what they are too, and were to find others like them.

As many of us activists have said over and over again, we're not out to "convert" people (besides that really being impossible - if you're not poly, you're not poly, if you're latent-poly, there's nothing to convert), we're just here to educate and question.  Monogamy is a perfectly acceptable choice, providing it is a conscious and informed choice and the participants are happy.  My goal in being an activist and putting myself out in the media's eye is simply to calm the fears of the majority of the public, who are the ones who hold all the power.  If they are not afraid of me, they will be less likely to use their power to harm me and those like me.  All I really want is for poly people to be allowed to live their lives in peace.  I want people's lifestyle "closets" to be voluntary, not made out of fear.  And in order for that to happen, I lay my life out to public scrutiny so that others won't have to in the future.

So go, comment favorably and let editors know that these kinds are articles are well-received so that they'll do more!

Other poly articles I have appeared in:


Saturday, April 5th, 2008
1:42 pm
New Male Birth Control Pill
That's right, it's not just science-fiction or wishful thinking anymore:


""We have been trying to develop a non-surgical male contraceptive for ten years now. The contraceptive works through an injection that affects the sperm's ability to fertilise. Simultaneously, we have also invented an antidote which guarantees its immediately reversibility."

I am looking forward to its full disclosure at this convention to more fully understand it's success rate and side effects.    


Thanks to a comment in one of the other places I posted this, here's a link for more detailed information of how it works.  A very, very simple explanation is that it electrifies the vas deferens so that sperm gets blasted apart as it travels through on its way out.

That's WAY cool!

Current Mood: hopeful
Thursday, February 7th, 2008
5:51 pm
Oral Sex causes Oral Cancers in Men and Women
Taken from </a></b></a>serolynne's LJ and not hidden under a cut because it's important that everyone read it:

The HPV virus doesn't just affect the woman's body by increasing the risks for cervical cancers. But studies are starting to show that HPV is causative to oral cancer's in men (and presumably women too).. from yup, you guessed it.. oral sex. And it's now as common a cause as tobacco and alcohol.


Remember, when a woman has mild cervical dysplasia, she is very actively shedding the virus. If you give unprotected oral sex to her, you are basically bathing your mouth and throat in juices laden with HPV shedding. The mouth and throat are similar tissue types as the cervix.

I've long suspected this, and thus why I've always drastically altered my sexual practices when dealing with an active HPV infection.

Please pass this on to everyone you know, particularly those who participate in multiple partnerships, and feel free to repost in any forum or journal. 

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008
12:14 pm
Newage weirdo
I have a group of poly friends who meets once a week for dinner and conversation. Last week, there was a woman attending who is someone else's friend from out of town. At first, I was really impressed by her: she engaged in really high-level academic discussions on a whole raft of different topics, including critical theory of the humanities, history, gender theory, etc.

But then as the night when on, she kept mentioning newage concepts as if their factuality was taken for granted. "... my friend, well, she's a single female Scorpio, so she sleeps around a lot ...", "Well, since this guy proved that water crystals don't form well when exposed to "bad music" like heavy metal..." (she's referring to Masaru Emoto's bullshit) all forms of BS "alternative" medicine , etc., etc.

It was weird, because I've never met someone who was that well educated and otherwise well-informed be quite that deep into newage. Kinda freaked me out.
Tuesday, January 8th, 2008
1:17 pm
FPR 2008

The Florida Poly Retreat (FPR) is a regional level polyamory retreat/conference started in 2003 organized by the polyamory communities of Florida.   This year, FPR will be held on March 27-30. 

12:24 pm
Poly Book Club

I just wanted to let everyone know about the poly-themed online book club.  You can check it out and join at http://www.shelfari.com/groups/12041/about.  Our first assignment was to ask for (or obtain, if you don't do gift exchange) any poly-themed book you haven't read yet and let us know what book that was by January 5th.  But there's still time for this assignment, because January 15th is when we're going to talk about what these books are.  I started by requesting "The High Cost Of Living" by Marge Piercy from my local library.  It just arrived today, so I'm going to get to reading it so I'll have something to talk about on the 15th!  Here's what my choice has to say on the back:

"For Leslie, the heroine of this searching novel, the cost of living - and loving - is getting higher and higher.  First of all, she is miserable for having lost her lover, Valerie, to another woman.  And she has begun to doubt just about everything about her life.  Now she is involved in a strange erotic triangle with Honor, an adolecent virgin who has romantic ideals and Bernie, a homosexual street hustler trying to settle down.  Leslie and Bernie both want Honor.  They also want each other.  But all Honor wants is a little spice in her life.  Here is a powerful searing novel of three young dreamers caught up in a lifestyle they can neither accept nor change."

Can't wait to hear about everyone else's choices!

Starting in February, we plan to make the assignments more traditional - meaning everyone will be requested to read the same book and we'll all get together online to discuss it.

Hope to see ya'll there! 

Monday, November 26th, 2007
10:30 pm
Friday, August 3rd, 2007
10:25 pm
Polyamorous Atheists
I have created a livejournal community for polyamorous atheists. It is: http://community.livejournal.com/poly_atheists .
Atheism is positively correlated to polyamory, so there are many people that may join. So far as I could find, this is the first such group on the internet, at least in the english-speaking world.

The polywon group is especially likely to have many atheists, because most atheists reject the 'new age' spiritual junk.
Wednesday, April 11th, 2007
11:20 am
Anyone still alive in this community? For my tastes, this is definitely a comm I would like to see flourish.

A funny comment I read on tacit's homepage today reminded me that this comm exists:

(mono writer concerned about her poly boyfriend:) I don't know any other really poly people besides my boyfriend (if he is poly) and the people at the natha yoga school he hangs out with (and quite frankly, those people seem a little perpendicular to reality, what with all the bizarre theories about emotional wavicles, and open relationships being the only enlightened choice).

(Franklin's comment:) Oh, God. I can rant for days about the "Tantric/yoga/transcendental meditation/magic crystal and woo-woo" poly crowd. Suffice it to say I have little in common with them.

Monday, November 13th, 2006
12:40 am
Poly Project
I have mentioned my polyamory project on my personal LJ a few times but instead of being able to meet with all the people who have volunteered to be interviewed, I have created an online survey. This means strangers can fill it out, too! It eases the process for me, since it will track the data anonymously, and I think it will be easier on those who wish to participate because it is anonymous and doesn't have to be done in person. I hope that my questions are useful and inoffensive. Please do not answer any that cross your boundaries, of course. Also, feel free to hand this around to anyone who is poly friendly- or not, I suppose, as their input is also valuable when painting a picture of the discrimination that polyamorous people face.

Just to make the purpose of this clear: I am going to be doing a presentation in my Culture and Identity class on 12/12 to a room full of future psychotherapists, and I am hoping that I can increase their awareness and support for the poly community in receiving services and advocacy.

Click here to take the survey. Thank you!

Note: there are 2 pages, the next button is at the bottom. the second section is really the more important one (meant for non-poly people too), but does take more time and is more personal. many thanks!

I'm noticing that many people are skipping the essay questions. is it just too much? should i try and make them multiple choice somehow? any ideas?
Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
10:43 am
Dating Status Buttons
Dating Status Buttons have been seeing a surge in popularity lately, so I thought it might be good to post about them again so that the new people can know what people are talking about. As an example, let me show you the one that applies to me:

As you can see, there are three circles. The top is for poly or monogamous. The right circle is straight, bisexual, gay, or lesbian, and the bottom circle is available, involved-available, or involved-not available. The circles are color coded so that people who are familiar with the buttons can read them with a quick glance.

What are they for? They are excellent for any situation in which it would benefit you for people not to need to guess your dating status. Poly is all about communication, and this is just one more form of it. It avoids the awkward situation of someone discovering too late that you are poly or unavailable or gay or straight or whatever, and it generally makes the interaction smoother. The button itself is often a great conversation starter as well.

The Dating Status Button website has been expanded. By popular demand, it now includes buttons which say "top", "bottom", "switch", and "vanilla". The site also now includes an expanding selection of humor buttons.

As always, you can find an image of the button appropriate to you to post on your LJ or other website on the site.

my dating status buttonCollapse )

Current Mood: chipper
Saturday, September 9th, 2006
11:46 pm
Redwood City Polyflock, 9/15-17
The Redwood City Polyflock is almost upon us! We will have our usual ground floor hospitality suite (look for the signs leading to it!).

Doors open at 6pm on Friday and we'll be going until at least midnight. Saturday, the hospitality suite doors will be open at 10am and go until the wee hours (in past years we've been going until 1 am). On Sunday, te doors will open at 10 am again and we'll start cleaning up the suite starting at 5pm.

PLEASE NOTE: If the hospitality suite door is open earlier than 10 am on Saturday or Sunday, please come on in. If it is closed in the morning, please DO NOT KNOCK.

At this time memberships are $20 per person; Paypal payments sent to rmj@well.com will be accepted through Thursday, 9/14. At the door, please make your payment in cash.

The location for this shindig is the Redwood City Days Inn at 2650 El Camino Real, Redwood City, CA 94061 (650) 369-9200. Hotel rooms are between $63 and $73 per night for folks who want to stay on site for the weekend. They also have an outdoor pool and whirlpool spa.

Looking forward to seeing you there!

Your hosts,
RJ and Ruth Anne
Sunday, August 20th, 2006
6:48 pm
Redwood City Polyflock, Sept 15-17 is a go!
Goo news! We just got memberships 25 and 26, so the Flock is on! You can still get your $15 pre-reg memberships up through midnight pacific time tonight. After that it is $20 a piece.

Thanks to everyone for making this a reaity three years in a row now!
Friday, August 18th, 2006
7:48 pm
Last Call for Redwood City, CA Polyflock
Okay, folks, here's where we stand:

At present we have 15 paid memberships in hand for this year's polyflock. The number of paid pre-registrations needed to go forward is 25.

I have heard from several people who have told me they [a] enjoyed the first two and [b] look forward to attending this year's but who haven't [c] sent in their money.

Now is the time to address part [c].

So the deadline is being extended two days to midnight pacific time, Sunday night, August 20. If we do not have 25 paid pre-registrations (only $15 US) at that time, we will cheerfully refund the money of those people who have paid and call off the flock for this year.

Thanks in advance!

Your hosts,
RJ & Ruth Anne

PS. If this is the first you've heard of the polyflock and are wondering what it is we're asking you to spend your money on, take a gander at this post.
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