Polyday UK

For those in range of UK, the next UK Polyday will be in Bristol on 20th November.
See: http://imakeawesome.co.uk/polyday/
A one-day event held in Bristol for everyone who knows that happy and honest relationships don't have to be monogamous, Polyday combines a day of discussions and an evening of cabaret and socialising to give you a chance to meet like-minded people, to build our community and to celebrate its diversity.

It won't be belief free but also isn't a crossover event with "spirituality" or anything like that. Would be good to have more clear thinkers along to chat to.
photography, Self-Portrait, personal
  • joreth

Call To Non-Pagan Polyamorists For Research Study

I took part in an online survey of polyamorous people that is looking at their spirituality and spiritual views. When I saw "spirituality" in the title, I believed that there would be a bias under her research and I felt it was important to make sure that atheists and non-pagans got represented because I was pretty sure that the pagan community would be over-represented. It's very frustrating to me that pagans are so much a visual part of the poly community that non-pagans often avoid "poly communities" because they feel as though they'll have nothing in common other than the polyamory, and that the polyamory will look quite different, and sadly, that's often true, in my observation.

Please note, it is not my intent to dump on pagans here. I'm not saying that pagans intentionally push out people of alternate viewpoints, and, in fact, many of the pagans that I know personally are quite welcoming of people with different spiritual outlooks. It is my intent to point out a, perhaps, overly subtle discrimination or imbalance in the poly communities, which is that poly people who do not have strong spiritual viewpoints are under-represented and overshadowed, and that the statistical data on polyamory may be incorrect because of the lack of connection or outreach with non-spiritual poly people by the rest of the community and by researchers.

This study has covered almost exclusively pagan polyamorist because they're who are most visible and often participate in the community, and therefore things like studies & media events. Although pagans are still free to join in the study, I would like to encourage poly people of other spiritual or non-spiritual outlooks to chime in to get a better representation of the actual diversity among spiritual beliefs in the poly community. The first part is an online survey, and then, if you qualify (I forget what the qualifications are), you may be asked to do a phone interview, completely anonymously, for research purposes and not for any form of media or public presentation.

I just completed this phone interview, and, although this study has been going on for some time now, I was the first atheist the researcher had spoken to, and she had a host of misconceptions about what atheism is and isn't and how religious views do or don't affect one's relationship structures. She was very appreciative of the alternate viewpoint and the opportunity to have her biases made clear to her that were completely overlooked by both herself and her approval committee in her word choice and assumptions (for the record, I did not tell her she was biased, I answered her questions and she revealed to me that she had found a bias in her thesis wording through my answers and so thanked me). So I am hopeful that my contribution will prove to be very beneficial in present and future poly research and I urge others to contribute as well, since my views are not the same as, or necessarily representative of all atheists, but currently, I'm the only atheist voice in this particular research study.

Please also feel free to forward this request on, particularly to non-pagan polyamorists. I realize it may come across that I am trying to push aside pagans or pad the numbers in a non-pagan favor, so I want to be clear that I am not trying to do that. But I do feel as though the non-pagan polyamorists are much higher in number than the current research suggests, so I am particularly encouraging non-pagans to get out there and help make the statistics more accurate. It's not a matter of "let's outnumber the pagans!", it's a matter of better representation of other types of polyamorists. Pagan polyamorists are very well represented, but other groups are not, as evidenced by the fact that I am the only atheist the researcher has talked to, and I happen to know I'm not the only atheist polyamorist out there :-)

Silent Bob Headbang, yay!, shiny, cool
  • joreth


I finally got the Scarlet A shirts set up in the shop! It took forever! Well, the plain Scarlet A has been available over at the Stagehand Tees, but I just could not get quote from Stephen Roberts to be accepted.

So now, we have:

  (at Poly Tees)

(at Poly Tees)

(lets you add your own text on the back - at Stagehand Tees)

(just a simple Scarlet A - at Poly Tees)

Of course, I can also customize these shirt and put the designs on any other style of shirt, so if anyone wants anything a little different, just let me know!

Polyamory and the different variants of love

'Love' encompasses a wide range of emotions. Any variant of love is characterized by a feeling of 'softness'. There are 2 component emotions, which can act either alone or in combination, to produce love. Those component emotions are oneness and humility.

In a love relationship, the emotion of oneness, if it is present in the relationship, causes the behaviors of telling eachother everything about oneself and one's recent events, always telling the truth, not keeping secrets, and doing everything together or otherwise always keeping in contact. The emotion of oneness can also be detected in the tone of voice when in the company of eachother.

In a love relationship, the emotion of humility, if it is present in the relationship, causes a gentle weakness in one's regard to eachother, and this is expressed both in one's demeanor toward eachother and in one's manner of affection. One behavior that humility is conducive to is bowing, though this of course is not a behavior that is associated with love relationships, though there is the antiquated behavior of bowing while kissing a woman on the back of the hand.

Exclusive monoamory is based upon egotistical dominant-territorialism, which is the opposite of humility. Therefore, people whose love is of the exclusive monoamorous sort can not incorporate humility into their love, but only oneness. It must be noted that one's egotism is only frustrated when one shares one's partner(s) with other people, not when oneself has multiple partners. Even among polyamorists, polygyny is somewhat more common than polyandry, because males are the more egotistical gender on the average.

Dominant egotism does not always express itself in a given particular way, such that there is some chance that a given egotistical person shares (or is willing to share) one's love partner(s) with others. For example, egotism, when combined with oneness, causes the behavior of libellously ascribing egotism to the logical behavior of acknowledging fundamental definitions and distinctions between different ways of living or beliefs. -That is an egotistical behavior that is sometimes displayed by polyamorists.

It is likely though that a given person that shares one's partner(s) lacks dominant egotism. That would allow such a person to use humility as a component of their love, or to use love that is purely humility-derived, such that it does not incorporate oneness at all.
photography, Self-Portrait, personal
  • joreth

I'm In Another Article!

This time, on Tango, an online women's magazine.


It's a short article, but I think it's quite well done.  The author makes it clear from the beginning that she is not poly, but the tone of the article remains neutral-to-positive.  She didn't horribly misquote me (only the first quote she attributes to me isn't a direct quote - more of a paraphrase, but everything else is as close as I can remember) and she simply laid out our stories without negative judgement, which is exactly the kind of attitude she had while interviewing me.  She focused on the positive aspects of poly, namely compersion, which, frankly, I think doesn't get enough attention.  Everyone wants to know about jealousy and I think they ought to know that jealousy doesn't have to rule their lives.

As I told Anita, neutral-to-positive is, I think, the best kind of article for polyamory.  If the article is too encouraging, it could discourage non-poly people from reading it, encourage them to dismiss us entirely, as being too far away for them to empathize with, or even imply that we're trying to take over the world and we're out to get them (which, of course, only encourages their fear of us).  But a positive-neutral merely lets people know that we're out there and there's nothing wrong with us, nothing to be afraid of, just that we're here.  Non-poly people can go about their business after learning a little more about who we are, and poly-curious people can learn who we are and, possibly, what they are too, and were to find others like them.

As many of us activists have said over and over again, we're not out to "convert" people (besides that really being impossible - if you're not poly, you're not poly, if you're latent-poly, there's nothing to convert), we're just here to educate and question.  Monogamy is a perfectly acceptable choice, providing it is a conscious and informed choice and the participants are happy.  My goal in being an activist and putting myself out in the media's eye is simply to calm the fears of the majority of the public, who are the ones who hold all the power.  If they are not afraid of me, they will be less likely to use their power to harm me and those like me.  All I really want is for poly people to be allowed to live their lives in peace.  I want people's lifestyle "closets" to be voluntary, not made out of fear.  And in order for that to happen, I lay my life out to public scrutiny so that others won't have to in the future.

So go, comment favorably and let editors know that these kinds are articles are well-received so that they'll do more!

Other poly articles I have appeared in:


Nude Drawing, sex
  • joreth

New Male Birth Control Pill

That's right, it's not just science-fiction or wishful thinking anymore:


""We have been trying to develop a non-surgical male contraceptive for ten years now. The contraceptive works through an injection that affects the sperm's ability to fertilise. Simultaneously, we have also invented an antidote which guarantees its immediately reversibility."

I am looking forward to its full disclosure at this convention to more fully understand it's success rate and side effects.    


Thanks to a comment in one of the other places I posted this, here's a link for more detailed information of how it works.  A very, very simple explanation is that it electrifies the vas deferens so that sperm gets blasted apart as it travels through on its way out.

That's WAY cool!
  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful
Nude Drawing, sex
  • joreth

Oral Sex causes Oral Cancers in Men and Women

Taken from </a></b></a>serolynne's LJ and not hidden under a cut because it's important that everyone read it:

The HPV virus doesn't just affect the woman's body by increasing the risks for cervical cancers. But studies are starting to show that HPV is causative to oral cancer's in men (and presumably women too).. from yup, you guessed it.. oral sex. And it's now as common a cause as tobacco and alcohol.


Remember, when a woman has mild cervical dysplasia, she is very actively shedding the virus. If you give unprotected oral sex to her, you are basically bathing your mouth and throat in juices laden with HPV shedding. The mouth and throat are similar tissue types as the cervix.

I've long suspected this, and thus why I've always drastically altered my sexual practices when dealing with an active HPV infection.

Please pass this on to everyone you know, particularly those who participate in multiple partnerships, and feel free to repost in any forum or journal. 


Newage weirdo

I have a group of poly friends who meets once a week for dinner and conversation. Last week, there was a woman attending who is someone else's friend from out of town. At first, I was really impressed by her: she engaged in really high-level academic discussions on a whole raft of different topics, including critical theory of the humanities, history, gender theory, etc.

But then as the night when on, she kept mentioning newage concepts as if their factuality was taken for granted. "... my friend, well, she's a single female Scorpio, so she sleeps around a lot ...", "Well, since this guy proved that water crystals don't form well when exposed to "bad music" like heavy metal..." (she's referring to Masaru Emoto's bullshit) all forms of BS "alternative" medicine , etc., etc.

It was weird, because I've never met someone who was that well educated and otherwise well-informed be quite that deep into newage. Kinda freaked me out.